What Have I Done?
by Iamafanoftoomanythingstoname
Summary: What Darry is thinking after he slapped Ponyboy.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders.**

I hit him. I hit Ponyboy. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I was just worried about my youngest brother. I wish that he would understand that I was just angry because I cared about him. He probably hates me now, if he didn't before. I know I shouldn't have yelled at Soda. It wasn't his fault that Pony doesn't use his head. It's only natural that he would defend him. I wish that I could just rewind this and maybe use _my_ head so that I wouldn't slap him. Ponyboy just needs to learn to use his head. I panicked when he left. Soda had said, "Don't worry; he'll probably come back…" Even though he said that, he sounded unsure of himself. I wished that I could believe him. I waited a few hours, and he still hadn't returned. I started to get real worried. Where is he? _What if he never comes back?_ No. I can't think like that. He has to come back. He just has to. No ifs allowed. I'm sorry Ponyboy. I really mean it. I _am_ sorry. Oh, Pony. What have I done?

**Sorry that this is so short. I'll try to make it longer if I get enough reviews… hint hint:)**


	2. Chapter 2

I was sitting at the table with my head in my hands. What am I going to do? I can't believe I did that. I had been so worried about Ponyboy, and then he finally comes back, and I just scare him off again. Why did I slap him? Why? What is wrong with me? I groaned and banged my fist on the table. He's got to come back. But why would he even want to come back? I wouldn't want to. I mean, I constantly hollered at him, and now I had accidentally slapped him into the door. But he _has _to come back home, at least for Sodapop. I got up and headed to his room. I stood in front of the door without opening it, and I could hear Soda's soft cries. I sighed and went into my room and sat on the bed. This is all my fault. I mean, why did I have to freak out like that? I should've done something else to let him know that I didn't appreciate him coming home that late. I should've just been glad that he came home. I looked at the clock. It was now 3:00. It's already been an hour?

_Come on, Ponyboy. _The Social Services can't find out. I really don't want to risk losing him forever. No. I won't lose him. Pony is going to walk through that door any time now, and I am going to tell him how sorry I am and to never scare me like that again. I don't care anymore. I don't care. As long as he comes home, I don't care if he hates me for the rest of his life. I just want him back home and safe with us. A single tear rolled down my cheek. Okay, maybe I did care a little. Well, if he isn't going to come back on his own, then I am going after him myself. I caused this, after all. But maybe I shouldn't go. He probably won't listen to me. Maybe I could send Soda. He might be able to convince Pony to come home. But it's three in the morning, and Soda and I have work later. We should both get at least _some _sleep. It's more than likely that Pony is with Johnny, and Johnny will make sure that he comes back. At least I hope that he will.


	3. Chapter 3

This is all my fault. It's been five days, and Ponyboy still hasn't come back. I still can't believe that Johnny and Pony could be involved in a murder. They've been gone for five days. I hope they're all right. Man, I would never forgive myself if they got hurt or… killed. I really didn't want the death of Pony and Johnny on my hands. No, it wouldn't be entirely my fault, but if I wouldn't have… smacked my kid brother, this never would've happened. I wish I could take it back. Just rewind this whole thing and stop myself from hitting him. But, no matter how much I wished for some kind of remote that could reverse time, it wasn't going to appear.

They're still not back. What am I going to do? I guess there's really nothing much I can do now, except pray that they're okay. My heart sank with every minute that Pony wasn't home yet. Nobody else in the gang really knows where they could've gone. Except for Dally. He said they were in Texas, but I don't really believe him. He knows where they are. Why won't he tell me? I need to know where Ponyboy is. I need to. I feel like I have failed everyone. Mom, Dad, Soda, Pony, the whole gang. Especially Pony. Would he ever forgive me? Heck, I can't forgive myself. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. Oh, Ponyboy, where are you?

"Oh, kiddo. Please. I'm sorry. Just please come home," I mumbled, burying my face in my hands. Then, I heard the phone ring. I sighed and went to go answer it. "Hello?" My eyes widened as the nurse continued to talk to me. Pony is at the hospital. I felt relief wash over me, but I was still worried. Why is he in the hospital? She couldn't tell me how Pony was doing since she didn't know what he looked like. She said that there were three kids that showed up after being in a fire. One had horrible burns, one had a bad burn on his arm, and the other one was going to be just fine. I immediately knew that the other two were Dally and Johnny. I told the nurse that I was on my way and hung up the phone. I yelled for Soda to hurry up and get his shoes on.

When I told him that Pony had been found, I was sure that he went the fastest I had ever seen anyone go, besides Ponyboy when I saw him run track. We got in the truck, and I was being careful not to speed since we really didn't need a ticket. I felt myself getting more anxious every second, though. When we finally got to the hospital, Soda practically threw the door open and I ran after him.

"Soda, slow down!" We got in and we asked where we could find Pony.

"Who are you?" the nurse asked.

'We're his brothers," I said. She told us where he was and Soda raced ahead of me. He started hugging a kid with blond hair. What is he doing? Ponyboy doesn't have blond hair. I looked closer and realized that it was my little brother. What did he do to his hair? Oh, well. It didn't matter. I could ask him later. That is, if he even wants to talk to me. I leaned in the doorway and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Tears filled my eyes. I was glad that he was all right, but is he still mad at me? "Ponyboy…" I wanted to apologize, but I was too choked up. He just looked at me. He was still mad. I guess he had every right to be, but it still hurt. Tears ran down my face. I couldn't help it. I just couldn't stop the tears this time. Pony just stared at me. My heart nearly broke to pieces.

'_I'm sorry,' _I thought. I looked down and turned away to walk back outside, but before I could go anywhere, I heard Ponyboy scream my name.

"Darry!" I turned to look at him, and then he was hugging me, his arms wrapped around my waist. "Darry, I'm sorry," he said. He was sorry? '_No, I'm the one that's sorry,'_ I wanted to say, but I didn't.

"Oh, Pony. I thought we lost you like we did Mom and Dad." I was stroking his hair and I tried to quit crying. I was glad that the guys weren't here. I didn't want to have the rep of a bawl baby now. Anyway, I felt a lot better. My little brother is back, he isn't even mad at me, and for the first time in eight months, I felt like everything was going to be okay.


End file.
